Dedicated to Dameer Aydin: The New Episode

Hahaha.. I missed it again. My actual plan is to start the 2016 post in year 2016 itself but again.. I'm just a slave to the envy running clock :). Time flies kan Dik.. you have grown up so fast and it I'm getting older fast too. I could feel the age is catching me and my body never forget to remind me from time to time too. Hoping to start fill my bucket list soon in future.. travel, travel, travel, marathon, mountain climbing and so many more.

Talking about how age is catching me, the other day you asked me why I have wrinkles beside my eyes, so I told you because I'm getting older. Then I heard you mumbles that you will have it too in future.. Long time to go Dik, don't worry about it yet. That's you.. always have something to says and sometimes I wonder where you get it from :). Usually I accuse it's from ayah but sometimes I suspect that maybe it's me who talked so much when I small..haha

But one thing about you that I don't want to forget is you are quite generous in praising others. Since you were toddler, you never too calculative to praise me.. When you were 2 years old, you always told me that the food that I cook was tasty (and I knew I was and still the worst cook). You always told me that I'm beautiful too - you always said that I'm the most beautiful girl in the world. Hahaha.. you are the only one on earth ever said that me.. No one ever said that to this ugly duckling. Since I was small all I ever heard that how ugly and how dark I was. And few weeks ago you told me that I'm a queen of the world.. you mean your world, I guess. Thank you Dik.. not because you made me feel good of something I didn't owned but because you show me that you appreciate woman more that certain adult do. This is my dream.. to raise a son who respect woman which is quite rare nowadays.

Ok.. let start our 2016 journey. How was 2016 treat us? It treat us rather differently compare to the previous years. We start too many new episodes this year. It wasn't an easy journey.. lots of tears, lots of struggle and sometimes I lost my patience too. After spending 17 years in corporate world where the money will always be on the table at every month end, so 2016 looked slightly grim. No financial promise. No more luxury. All I have to do was find a way to looks for it on daily basis. Quite scary as I'm the sole bread winner in this family. There are time I wake up sweating but slowly I start to Redha and accept that it is Allah will. Allah is the one who put me in it and He will be the one who will put me through it.

By end of November 2015, I have decided that I want to start a cat related business and in December we start to look for suitable premise to be rented out. We decide that it must be somewhere not to far from our place as you will start you primary school very soon and we don't want you to juggle too far from school. We found the suitable candidate by mid December and then, Ayah started to looks for contractor to renovate and build the cat's rooms. Took him about a month to find a good contractors and we ran out of time by then.

So, after so many tears where a depression era almost began (haha), UCC open her door to public on April 1st,2016. It just a small opening ceremony where we prepare food for 50 but less than 10 people came. I tried not to feel depress on that day and keep reminding myself not to worry as Allah will guide me through this. In time, customer slowly came in (in term of speed, I mean very slow) and we struggle financially in our first 6 months as my saving was spent almost all to the business and day to day expenses.

Alhamdullilah after the 6th month, things were getting better and today we are still having a financial choke from time to time but enough for me to put food into our mouth. Scary kan Dik.. yes it still is. This is one of the biggest test I ever encounter in my adult life. Allah choose me to remind me that He loves me and want me to love Him back. Alhamdullilah, I'm a better person today because of the reminder that I received. I feel grateful for that.. grateful that hopefully wasn't too late to improve myself. And hopefully not too late to be a better mom to you too as I know sometimes I failed you. I had been quite unfair to you Dik but I hope you understand that we couldn't afford to lead a luxury lifestyle anymore. I were too busy trying to survive the ordeal and sometimes I just forgot that you are just a small child. I always scold you whenever you were naughty but what I forgot it's just part of growing up process. I should be more patience and I should tell you how much I love you more often.

Another blow that I had in 2016 when I had miscarriage of your sister (I was confident this time it will be She) at 6 weeks pregnancy in November. We only knew that her heartbeat was stop on 16-11-2016 at 9 weeks of pregnancy We were over the moon in those 9 weeks but Allah loves her more. I cried for two days and when I told you that she is no longer inside my tummy, you just quiet. I knew you were sad because 2 days after you told me that you wish you have a sibling to play with. Together with this lost, you are supposed to have 3 siblings Dik. You are the only child physically but spiritually you are actually have sibling who waits for you in the afterlife. I'm really looking forward for that.. when all of us will meet and stay together. By the way, I named her Alia Ayra. Beautiful name for my beautiful angel.

Let's talk about you. How 2016 treat you? I guess 2016 treat you quite well. There were some up and down along the journey but you seem to cope the challenge very well. Overall, I believe you did an awesome job. You went to new school, meet new friends and had some bad experience with the school and transferred to new school and fell in love with your new school (BBPH). We will take more about school in future post.

We traveled less in 2016 because financially we were not stable and at the same time, Mommy and Ayah were quite busy with our premise's setting up works.We managed to take some small breaks where we went to Japan in May (the tickets was bought a year before so I don't have to fork so much for the trip) and Sabah in November where I manage to get a very cheap flight tickets. Aunty took care of our business when we were absent. Thanks to her, she is my pillar of strength and I'm stronger today because of her support.

We also traveled back to Ayah's & Mommy's hometown whenever we had chance, but not as often as previous years. Time is something we always fight for. Nenek came to stay with us few times this year and you enjoy her company so much. What I really proud was when you told me that we need to love the elders because they are old (and fragile). You walk the talk Dik.. You love Nenek and Opah very much and sometimes you made me feel embarrassed that I could not tell them that I love them as open as you do.

Another new episode is Hari Raya was celebrated in Puchong as we accept cats for boarding during the festive season. To me it was not too bad. We are too busy cleaning the cat's room to even remember that we missed the normal Raya Celebration. That's life kan Dik.. sometimes you have to forgo the coziness in order to survive. I won't complain as we are more fortunate than some people :)

Below are the captured faces along 2016