Two years of Missing In Action - 2017 & 2018 (Part 2)

2017 & 2018 (Part 2)


Let talks about life. Once we aware about the ADHD, we starts to looks things from a different perspective.  Personally I feel grateful after the diagnose as I start to understand you better than before. Most importantly, now I know that helps in on the way.  It can be fixed and we can help you. In the mean time I also start to educate myself on how to understand and shape you into a normal child. May Allah guide me and guide your father to be a better parents to you Dik.
   
In my observation, life treat you fairly both in 2017 and 2018. I believe you were happy. Sometimes you hates your school day but in general, you cope quite well at school.  Sometimes you hate your routine and throw tantrums but you apologized afterwards. You are not prefect Dik but who are?  Even normal children are also struggle to be normal, so it is OK for you to struggle to be normal too.  It is a process and one day you will turn around and smile over it.  One day ADHD will just be your past.

Social skill is one of the main ADHD symptoms.  You had some problem in making new friends especially with children at your age.  Many times you were sad as sometimes your friends called you with bad nicknames or you were scolded by friends in your class. Sometimes you were crying telling me your friends hates you.  Yes, I felt very sad about it but I keep on convince you that things are getting better very soon.  Sometimes I was choked back tears when I told you that  you will be fine and you will have more friends in future.

Aside from those hiccups, you are always a happy go lucky person.  You definitely are excellent with adults and loves by many. Many of your classmates parents adore you; you're always described as sweet and helpful child. So, it is a win win situation Dik.

Whenever I went for Parents and Teacher sessions, I heard many positives words like you are very helpful student. You are also described as a approachable, hugger, smiles ready and gentleman. The not so positive things?  Lack of focused in class, talkative, playful & didn't finished given task  :).  It is OK Dik, we will tackle it one day.  I am positive about it

Ok, it is not fair to discuss your problem without discussing ours towards you. As you aware, I have lots of weakness.  I stills have to learn and improve lots of things. Learn about how to be a better mom is one of them. Things before the diagnosis is worse than the after.  I struggled to understand your behavior.  Most of the time I blame myself for not having a parental experience and lack of patience.  Usually I struggle during your morning shower time (and evening too) and whenever I had customers to attend but you keep interrupting for simple attentions. Looking back now, I feel so guilty as it didn't across my mind that you need helps.  I feel guilty that sometimes I was too busy working than to spend more time with you and try to understand you better.

After the diagnosis, I felt clearer and start to understand you better.  The doctors gave us some guides on how to help you.  Yes, some starts to works but some shall take years to see the results of it.  One of your doctors even go to extra miles to teach me everything that she knows about parenting.  I will always remember her words; to be patience with you as raising even a normal child is not easy, let alone special child like you.

The doctors also enrolled you to almost monthly therapy sessions schedule and as for today, you were enrolled to the Focus Therapy class and we have been promised to get you into social therapy group in future.  I feel positive about this but I can't do this alone .  I need you and your courage to change things

We will discussed this again in future but as for now, I should sign out.  Love you so much Dik.  I will try not to forget to tell you how much I love you on daily basis.  But if I do, please forgive me and please remember I do love you more than I love myself and others.


On the side note, less than a week ago (30th Jan 2019), you lost one of your close friend from school who passed away due to liver cancer.  You were so affected by the losses and you told me you cried when you heard the news at school.  I went to his funeral on your behalf and could see that he was loved by many.  You requested to visit his cemetery so I drove you to there after your school session. I could feel your sadness Dik.  Good friendship will stay in your hearts until you die. May Gavin will rest in peace. Amin

On the other side note, today (4th Feb 2019) is again a sad day for both of us.  We lost one of our cat, Belang due to some existing health issue.  She was loved by both of us and she will definitely be missed. 

Two years of Missing In Action - 2017 (Part 1)

31 Jan 2019

Assalamualaikum Dik,

It has been more than 2  years since I last wrote here.  Never forget about this special space for me to interact indirectly to you but I must say, it was my fault and my selfishness that carried me away.  I tried to chase the clouds until I forget to touch the grass. I tried to fix other broken things until I forgot I have another big duty, to be your full time mom.

So, I shouldn't waste my time.  I will try to cover that I miss to tell you as much as I can.


2017

We start the 2017 by enrolling you to your new primary school.  Initially you were registered in nearby government school but I was worried with minimal Islamic study and hoping to go for a better option.   After some deep considerations, we decided to enroll you into BBIM wher it offer an Islamic Montessori education system.  I must say it was a very big step for our financial situation and once we choose a private school, there will be a minimal way out.  But deep down, I believe Insyallah this is the best for you and Allah will guide me through it.  I promise to work harder in order to pay the school fee. And Alhamdullillah, once the decision made, Allah guided us.

Your school year was progressing very well.  Your school campus was in USJ21 and still waiting for the new building in Cyberjaya to complete.  Sending you off for your first primary school level was an emotional moment for me.  I still remember vividly watching you standing tall in your new class and suddenly I feel that the time flies so fast.  It made me proud and sad at the same time. I always wish my father is still around to see you especially on that day.  He is a great man and he definitely adore you Dik.

At school, you adjust well with your teacher and classmates. You have found a best friend since day 1 and her name is Qistina. Q is a special friend but unfortunately she moved back to her parents hometown by year end.  Both of you were sad with the decision but with time, it healed.  I hope you will cross path again in future.

Your class teacher is Aunty A and she is an Iranian and super nice lady.  You love her very much and she adore you too.  She shared your progresses whenever we met.  Upon many discussions that we had, Aunty A told me that you were bright but slightly lack of focused in the classroom.  Then the alarming bell start to ring as this is also same comments that I receive every year even from previous school.

Even though I realize that your behavior is slightly different to other children but I always brush it off as I thought you inherited from one of us or maybe our upbringing was wrong. Then slowly I pick up that you might has a special spectrum in you.  Trying to convince ayah was not an easy task as he refused to accept the possibilities and finally I decided to go for this alone. Alhamdullilah, ayah start to join in along the way.  We managed to see a pediatric in PPUM in January 2018 and in took about 6 months to confirm that you have ADHD syndrome. 

So, what is ADHD?

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a complex neurodevelopmental disorder that can affect your child’s success at school, as well as their relationships. Common ADHD sign are:

1. Self-focused behavior - A common sign of ADHD is what looks like an inability to recognize other people’s needs and desires. This can lead to the next two signs: interrupting and trouble waiting their turn.

2. Interrupting - Self-focused behavior may cause a child with ADHD to interrupt others while they’re talking or butt into conversations or games they’re not part of.

3. Trouble waiting their turn - Kids with ADHD may have trouble waiting their turn during classroom activities or when playing games with other children

 4. Emotional turmoil - A child with ADHD may have trouble keeping their emotions in check. They may have outbursts of anger at inappropriate times. Younger children may have temper tantrums.

5. Fidgetiness - Children with ADHD often can’t sit still. They may try to get up and run around, fidget, or squirm in their chair when forced to sit.

6. Problems playing quietly - Fidgetiness can make it difficult for kids with ADHD to play quietly or engage calmly in leisure activities.

7. Unfinished tasks - A child with ADHD may show interest in lots of different things, but they may have problems finishing them. For example, they may start projects, chores, or homework, but move on to the next thing that catches their interest before finishing.

8. Lack of focus - A child with ADHD may have trouble paying attention, even when someone is speaking directly to them. They’ll say they heard you, but they won’t be able to repeat back to you what you just said.

9. Avoidance of tasks needing extended mental effort - This same lack of focus can cause a child to avoid activities that require a sustained mental effort, such as paying attention in class or doing homework.

10. Mistakes - Children with ADHD can have trouble following instructions that require planning or executing a plan. This can then lead to careless mistakes — but it doesn’t indicate laziness or a lack of intelligence.

11. Daydreaming - Children with ADHD aren’t always rambunctious and loud. Another sign of ADHD is being quieter and less involved than other kids. A child with ADHD may stare into space, daydream, and ignore what’s going on around them.

12. Trouble getting organized - A child with ADHD may have trouble keeping track of tasks and activities. This may cause problems at school, as they can find it hard to prioritize homework, school projects, and other assignments.

13. Forgetfulness - Kids with ADHD may be forgetful in daily activities. They may forget to do chores or their homework. They may also lose things often, such as toys.

14. Symptoms in multiple settings - A child with ADHD will show symptoms of the condition in more than one setting. For instance, they may show lack of focus both in school and at home.

Is the diagnose is a bad thing?  No Dik.  To me it just a name.  Yes you have almost all the symptoms and some label you as disobedient or problematic child, but they know nothing about you. People especially intermediate family members are tend to be judgemental and in years, you will learn to ignore it.  You are a gifted child and Allah will guide you along the way.  Remember that you have Allah and all you need is HIM. And you have me too and we will fight this together. I promise that no one shall hurts you as long as I am alive. I also pray Allah to grant me a long life in order for me to help you to stand on your own. I am positive that one day, you will win the battle.


I will continue the 2017 story in the next post.  Till then, I love you so much Dik.  On the side note, today we had a good time together where we managed to spend some quality time and as always, you never forget to thank me for spending time with you and also for buying you your favorite dinner - spaghetti bolognese :). Only that, not a luxury meal